Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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