My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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