Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
