Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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