Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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