I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
