She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
