Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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