Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
