my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
