please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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