Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
