i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
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