My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
