last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize