The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize