Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I cut my penus on the lid.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
