god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
