I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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