I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize