Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
They took my balls.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
