Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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