I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
