meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
