I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
