Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
are you so shy because you have an std?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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