At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
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