just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
