Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize