i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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