I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
