I just threw up on my dentist
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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