i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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