shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
