so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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