omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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