im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize