If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
