Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
