Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
