omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
