you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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