Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
