i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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