My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
