all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
