hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
