I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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