Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
