I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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