Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
