She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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