I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
