so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize
