May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
