Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
