I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize