if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Sorry about my life...
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