Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
