So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
