Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize