It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
