Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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