You can't special order awesome
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
