I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
