Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
