I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
