Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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