I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize