another moral hangover. fuck.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
