I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
