I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize