Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
