I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
