Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
