What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
