i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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