next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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