Betty ford says i'm here all night
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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