Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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