using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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