new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
