About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
