Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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