You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
this just has baby written all over it
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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