youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
