I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
sarcasm needs its own font
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
