dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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