I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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