His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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