My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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