Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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