It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
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