for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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