Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
