She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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