but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
