Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
