I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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