wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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