I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you have to choose: penises or morals?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
