how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
