I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
