Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
That accounts for only three of the penises
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
