i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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