look no pants
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Semen is not good for contacts.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
