Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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