If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
