We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
