I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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