I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
