$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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