guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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