did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
