When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize