i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
