I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
