i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
