I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
