I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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