Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
