I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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