Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize