i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
