The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
