What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
