I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
do nipples grow back?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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