My first STD was from a foam party
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
